Gerri Atric's blog

It's not a journey worth taking

Wow. I didn't realize I haven't posted in so long. Nothing going on I guess. Of course, aside from the fact that Jon Gosselin is EVERYWHERE in the news and I want to smash something every time I see his face and read his ridiculous statements. He's as out of control and MORE annoying than that whole Speidi shit. Let's just hope an NYC bus hits him and he can never speak again.

ANYWAY, the point of this post is not to rip on a douchebag Asian who is the WORLD'S WORST DAD. It's to discuss a new Asian in one of my favorite groups of all time, Journey. I just watched Oprah and they had on Journey with new lead singer Arnel Pineda. They sang a couple of the greats and they were good. Plenty good. Arnel is a very talented singer. But PLEASE, let's get real. Nobody. And I mean NOBODY can ever be better than Steve Perry. He is, by far, the greatest singer in rock band history, and it saddens me that Journey is trying to resurrect their music with a new lead singer - no matter how talented he may be. It's just one of those things that CANNOT be done. Nobody wants to hear Faithfully or Don't Stop Believin' sans Steve Perry. That's why we have iTunes. So nobody has to. Those classic Journey songs belong in history and in karaoke bars around the world. They don't belong to a new band without Steve Perry.

Just my two cents. I miss him.

19 kids and we might as well quit counting

Well, I've posted about this crazy mega-family a million times in the past - yes, that's one time for every child they have. And, here we go again. Michelle and Jim Bob Duggar are expecting a NINETEENTH child! Who knew these hicks could even count to 19?!? I'm done! I'm out of jokes. I have nothing else to say about these weirdos.

• Aside from the fact they are completely environmentally irresponsible, which is kind of ironic since the HUGE carbon footprint they are leaving from having so many kids will actually affect their kids and their kids' kids the most because they will outnumber normal people on this Earth.
• And aside from the grotesque realization that Michelle Duggar's vagina has to be so giant that it's up there with the Great Wall of China as things visible from outer space. Forget about the Grand Canyon. Buy tickets to fly a helicopter into Michelle's peekacho. It's certainly bigger and more action packed although probably less scenic.
• AND aside from the fact that none of their kids get a real childhood because the minute they are old enough, they take on the role of mommy or daddy to one of their younger siblings. Then again, since they're brought up ONLY to be mommies and daddies, I guess it works.
• And, finally, aside from the inevitible potato shortage our nation faces because of the sheer gross tonnage used in the Duggars' famous tater tot casserole.

Aside from all of this, I really have nothing to say!

Ah, brings back some good memories

Did you see this? It's hilarious! Apparently, this couple was on vacay in Canada and they set up their camera to take a timed photo, and the squirrel totally booched in front of the lens to hog the attention in the photo.

Put a beer in one of its paws, a cigarette in the other, and squint its eyes and you have every photo of me in college.

 

Upstaging Squirrel

I won't swim here anytime soon

In the Indonesian province of North Sulawesi, more than 2,500 scuba divers set a new Guiness World Record Monday for the largest mass dive. Is it just me, or does this look more like a world record for the biggest urine cloud in a natural body of water?

 

World Urine Record

I hope you get eaten ... nuts first!

I'm watching this horrific episode of Primetime called "The Outsiders." It's about these two idiots living with lions. The one guy lives with this pride that he raised since birth so he could do some sort of film on them. They aren't wild, but still the asshole lays all over them, talks to them like they are babies, plays with them and probably fucks them. He decided, after making his movie, that he didn't want the lions to go to a zoo or circus (which is admirable in a way) so he bought a bunch of land and lives with them as if they are pets.  How about this? How about NOT raising a bunch of non-wild pussy lions to begin with? How about just LEAVING THEM ALONE in the wild?

The second guy is even crazier. He's living with wild lions who apparently hate humans and he's trying to get them to like humans or at least tolerate them for the purposes of eco-tourism. Huh? He looks like a complete fool running around with this stupid cane yelling at them as they charge him. "Cut it out! That's enough!" He clearly is the biggest jackass I've ever seen in my life and I hope ALL those lions eat him! I will stand up and applaud that footage.

Seriously, is this what we've come to? These fucking idiots trying to make lions pets? It makes me want to smash my TV. DON'T FUCK WITH WILDLIFE, AND IT WON'T FUCK WITH US! Have we learned nothing from those flamers in Vegas and their white tigers? Why are we so obsessed with being dominant over wildlife instead of just respecting it and living along side of it?

If there is a hell, there is an especially hot and humid place for these guys, and I can't wait until they are chewed to bits and reach it!

I swear I'm so sick of this shit! I'm so sick of people having to "study" wildlife. I'm sick of the tranquilizing and tagging. I'm sick of the rescuing baby animals and raising them in some bullshit cabin. I'm sick of the safari shit. I've ALWAYS hated zoos and circuses. ENOUGH! We need to stop taking animals' land, and we need to just LEAVE THEM THE FUCK ALONE!

The smarter we think we are, the more we destroy our planet.

It's ONLY water!

Man, it's been hot in NYC lately. I guess it is August. I thought it was really hot today, though. So when I got home, I took a cool bath. It's something I do in the summer. I crank my air and sit in a cool bath and act like it's a pool.

Anyway, remember my crabby-looking cat, Lola? She's the one who always looks pissed. She's got a perma-furrowed brow. She also is quite vocal. She's always meowing and yapping about something. Actually, most of the time I have no idea what she wants so basically, she meows and yaps about nothing. She's very clingy, too. Any place I go, she follows with her bitchy stare and her flapping gums, especially if I'm in the bathroom. She's fascinated with what goes on in the bathroom. She's always meowing and waiting outside the door when I come out.

While I was in the bath today, she came busting in and seriously went nuts! I never heard her freak out so badly, and suddenly her perma-furrowed brow turned into a panic-stricken face! Clearly, she can't understand why (and was appalled that) I would willingly get into a giant vat of water and then sit there. She was afraid for my life, yet helpless, as there's no way she was gettin' anywhere near the water. Honestly, it was the funniest thing I've seen in a long time. Of course, just to mess with her, I started splashing around and even threw a little water her way. AAAAAAND, the furrowed brow immediately returned as she bolted. Now - an hour later - she's under the bed silently sulking.

Crabby cat

Mac and Skeeved

I love mac and cheese. I can't believe anyone who wouldn't. It was my fave growing up. I loved the Kraft Mac and Cheese. Back then you had to add butter and milk with the powder. I always made my mom make it soupy. And the worst was when she tried to make it more healthy by putting tuna in it. That ruined the whole dish! Then, in college, we'd just eat it with whatever ingredients we had. Sometimes I ate that shit with just the powder and water because I had no butter or milk in my dorm room. Then they came out with the Velveeta Shells and Cheese. OOOOOOH! That was AWESOME! You didn't have to fuck around with all the other ingredients and it was soooooo good.

Of course the older you get, the fatter you get, and the less you can eat. I have found a particular diet brand of mac and cheese that I quite enjoy. I won't mention the brand because the last time I had it, I found two SUPER long hairs in it. And by found, I mean I actually started eating the strands before I realized what it was. There is nothing grosser than noticing you have a stranger's hair in your mouth and then pulling it out. I shudder just thinking of it again.

I tried to be rational and do the "what's the worst" game. Like is it THAT bad that I almost ate someone else's hair? Or maybe it was my hair, and would that be gross, too? Yet, I was sure that it wasn't my hair because it was really buried in there. My hair would have fallen on top where I could have clearly seen it. So, again, what is the HUGE deal about having someone's hair in my mouth? It didn't work.

I immediately threw the rest of the meal away and I haven't been able to eat it since! I CANNOT! I still have two left in my freezer and I just open the freezer door and I'm completely skeeved. And now everything else I eat, I compulsively look through it in search of hair. People, I AM CRAZY! I need more help than just the one cocktail of antipsychotics I already take. Look out for me on an upcoming episode of "Obsessed."

Poser and the City

I found these photos on Radaronline.com. This is the DUMBEST thing I've ever seen. First of all, unfortunately Jon Gosselin has moved to NYC. As I said before, the LAST thing we need is another douchebag in this city. Nevertheless, here he is. Secondly, for someone who claims he doesn't like the fame that his TLC TV show created, this asshole certainly goes out of his way to give photogs a perfect, albeit cliched, photo shoot.

Seriously, these photos look like Jon is shooting a scene from Sex and the City. NOBODY sits and poses on the rocks or fountains like this. Where's his horse-drawn carriage ride? Or a strategically timed photo of him row-boating in Central Park Lake? And, DAMMIT, would somebody please force him to wear something other than those stupid T-shirts? Has anyone looked dumber?

Well, OK, maybe I'm not just mad that he's such a huge poser. Maybe it just pisses me off that these photos show more than one cliche. How come when there's a divorce, the guy suddenly becomes "free" while the wife is saddled with, in this case, eight kids? Who does this guy think he is? He pretty much blamed the dissolution of his marriage on his wife wanting fame, when in fact, he's just as guilty. What a joke! The guy has eight kids. He doesn't contribute AT ALL to their financial needs, and he gets to bust around NYC (living in a multi-million dollar apartment) AND France posing and dating a million girls. I just don't even know what to say.

 

Jon Gosselin fountain

 

Jon Gosselin rocks

 

No really, I'm a dumbass

Because I'm so well-educated and on an eternal path to knowledge, I was looking at my atlas this morning. I have one of those giant blue books, the National Geographic Atlas of the World. Of course, I think mine is from the 90's so it's probably pretty outdated, still I think the important stuff stays the same. I mean, really, if you just up and change your country's name or borders whenever you feel like it, then you have to expect it to take some time to stick with the rest of us.

Anyway, I was just looking up this island I have been to in the Philippines because I couldn't remember where it was, and I ended up engrossed in the entire book - I guess wondering what places would be cool to visit. I came to the giant world map in the front and noticed that it wasn't really a flat map. It was drawn as if it was a globe opened up and laid flat, representing that, in fact, the Earth is round. I chuckled to myself and shook my head at all of our dumb anscestors who actually thought the Earth was flat. Idiots. Then it hit me. Why WOULD'NT they think the Earth was flat, and how in the HELL did they ever determine that it was instead round? That's just craziness!

How would it actually even enter one's mind that the Earth might not be flat? It doesn't seem like something you would think to challenge. The Earth doesn't feel round. It doesn't look round, when you're on it. It's just land that goes on and on. I would have been fine with that explanation, or no explanation at all. Like what kind of brainiac psycho lays up in his bed and thinks, "I'm just not feelin' this flat theory. Something's not right." I guarentee that guy never got laid.

Also, looking at the maps, I really found it amazing that someone was able to draw the exact shape of each continent and country and territory within. Without being able to see everything from a distance, how did they translate the rough edges of the land to paper? Just amazing.

These anscestors of ours were damn smart. I wonder what they could've done had they had access to the kind of technology we have today.

Trashing New York

One of the cool things, I think, about NYC is that while it's a huge, exciting city, it's still near water, and beaches. And while most of us are trapped in the city with no car, we can still take a train and get to the beach. There's Coney Island, Brighton Beach, etc. Normally, tho, I don't do the burrough beaches (they seem like they would be gross and dirty) and I take the Long Island Railroad to Long Beach. It's a beautiful beach I think. But this weekend, I headed to Rockaway Beach, which I think is in Queens, and it wasn't all that bad. AND, you can take the subway all the way there!

Here's the subway crossing some channel of water to get to the beach. Could be cute, but you still know you're not outside the city by the strategically abandoned boat with the graffiti on it.

 

Crossing the bridge

 

Then, you get to the beach it seems OK.

 

Rockaway Beach

 

That is, of course, until people come!!! Here's a whole gaggle of NY beachgoers with the stereotypical Hispanic rap cranking and a stroller full of babies with 16-year-old moms. 

 

Trashy Beachgoers

 

If you look closer, you will see future castmates for MTV's reality show "16 and Pregnant" laying all over each other. Seriously, it's NEVER appropriate to lay all over each other on the beach. It's just gross. 

 

16 and Pregnant

 

It was really annoying watching these idiots dry hump to the beat of their annoying music, but it gets worse. Yes. after throwing Cheetos all over the place, which attracted a horrific scene from The Birds, these assholes finally packed up and left. And by left, I mean they left all their trash just sitting there! There was a trash can not 15 feet away from them!

That's how you know you're still in New York City. I swear I have seen squatters in the Philippines who have more respect for their land than these people. New Yorkers have got to be the filthiest, most entitled and inconsiderate assholes around.

I will stick to my beach on Long Island, thank you very much.

 

Trashing the beach